Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

TV's prominent comedians used their broadcast mocking former President Donald Trump's just announced visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," portraying it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils all he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new initiative that permits overseas nationals to acquire U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for five million. An official page pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick message for you to wealthy immigrants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring large payments. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll ratings amid financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.